Saturday, April 3, 2010
A lot of people have been taking sides on the whole celebrity scandal factory that is showbiz, whether it be "Team Aniston" or "Team Sandra" to profess their loyalty and support of a particular celebrity going through a bit of a rough patch. We've all hit a rough patch or two in our day, haven't we? Sometimes it is so hard to remember how fabulous one truly is when someone has just taken a metaphorical dump all-over your fabulousness. Therefore, whether it be death, divorce, desertion or disappointment, I propose you put a nice sparkly crown on your head and remember just who the hell you are.
Long before I read and participated in (to my regret) the "smashed" Potato Queens annual parade and soiree in Mississippi, I developed a particular fondness for wearing a tiara. Some of my earliest memories were making crowns with paper bags and crayons. Now I am sure the author of those books would like to keep all the tiara wearing to herself and her followers, but I believe the tiara truly belongs to the world. Therefore, I am here to bring the tiara wearing to the masses. It is time high time we declare sovereignty over ourselves and there is no more fabulous way to do it then by slapping a sparkly crown on our heads. Got to do something you don't want to do? Put your tiara on. Whether it is cleaning toilets, or cleaning up your life, put some sparklys on your head and remember who you are. Now I know Beyonce is all with that song about "...put a ring on it" but I say: "Ring-schming. Put a crown on it." Put a tiara and there will be no confusion amongst others with whom they are dealing. Don't just get one, you need at least a half-dozen or so. There's a gazillion of them on eBay. Most of them are a total bargain when you consider the dollar to glamour ratio imparted by a tiara. Also, as my dear friend Alisa reminds us, do not forget those less fortunate than yourself and remember to donate your old tiaras to charity.
Now on a note for that darling Sandra Bullock who has been so hideously treated: There is no need to hide your lovely face from the paparazzi because you married some fool. You have done nothing wrong. I say: "Sister, put a crown on your head and carry-on! Remember who you are." If anybody asks what team you are on say: "Team Tiara".