Wednesday, April 7, 2010

You Wanna' Tax What???

On the "Today Show" this morning were a couple people who support taxing soft drinks because they feel the excessive sugar consumption is the numero uno culprit in our being a nation of fatties. They feel the solution to this problem is to tax sugary soft drinks. If they actually pass this legislation, I would like to be the first in line for a refund because I am fat and I haven't had a sugary soft drink since 1986. My husband (the Bulldog) refers to these people as "gooders" -- you know the people would want to inflict their will on you because you can't be responsible for yourself. I like to think of them as "Party Poopers" -- or "PP". Matt Lauer never ascertained from this morning's PP what their stance is on diet soda, but I doubt they think it is health food. I am not here to defend diet soda as such, and it does concern me that my cats, who will eat crap you drag in from the outside on the bottom of your shoes, sniff at diet soda, look at it in disgust, and prefer to lick their own behinds. In defense of diet soda, I do not believe it is as dangerous as certain medication. For some reason propothol springs to mind.

Although PP would like you to believe that you can control all health problems through what you eat, I am here to tell you otherwise. In August of 2001 I damn near died from a consistently misdiagnosed congenital (as in BIRTH DEFECT) heart condition. What pisses me off about PP is that they would have us believe that diet and exercise will cure all, and I am here to tell you it doesn't. Three weeks before having open-heart surgery, I actually became concerned that I was putting on weight, so I went on a diet and started an exercise program. Which is O.K. normally, but I had put on weight because I had congestive heart failure. Well, post-op I lost thirty pounds in a week and the excess weight was caused by completely non-food related fluid retention and the damn exercise could have killed me. The PP are the same people who look at me when I tell them I had open heart-surgery and want to know if I ever smoked (no), was fat (Off and on. I was fit as a fiddle, according to their standards, when I had surgery.) and blah, blah, blah. As if it is not annoying enough to have to have open-heart surgery at the age of forty one, these douche bags inquire as to whether or not I was complicit in my own heart-condition. Are you fucking kidding me? I just want to look them all square in the eye and say: "You are gonna' die. You just are. We ALL will and there is only so much you can do about it, because YOU are not in charge." Frankly, I think the PP may be responsible for some of my heath problems, because they are jacking up my blood pressure because of the stress caused by all their damn rules. They have taken away my salt shaker and fried chicken, and would have me eating nothing but leafy green vegetables grown by virgins. FYI: I am always on a diet, and yet I am fat. It is called middle-age and heredity.

Bottom line PP: Just keep your damn paws off my Diet Pepsi.


  1. Dear Ms. Joannafesto - I find you fabulously hilarious - and look forward to each of your entries - keep 'em comin'!

  2. You GO GIRL!!! I totally agree and this is really frusterating! My hubby has Type one Diabetes, which, like your heart condition, he was BORN with. But, PP's who assume they know everything, look at him like he just needs to exercise more and it will go away. WHAT THE F!

  3. I was up this morning eating my daily bowl of salt, and washing it down with a sugary soft drink made with bacon fat, when I read these wonderful comments. Flattery is so soothing my I could feel my blood pressure lowering as I read them! Thanks, y'all!

  4. I don't drink much soda personally so it wouldn't concern me too much if they tax soda. It's already outrageously expensive. I don't think it matters how much they charge, people are addicted to it and going to drink it, just like with cigarettes. Juice has just as much sugar. Tax that too. Morons.